tsiqah binnafs

bismillahirrahmanirrahim....

It has been a very very long time since my last post. i don't know why this thing keep running in and out of mind mind. when i start to type some word, i keep thinking of what people will think about me after they read my post. oh well yes! i'm a very active blogger when i was studying at intec two last year. i keep writing and updating whatever i want, whatever come across my mind, i upload the picture of myself,  foods and new places that i went. i review new movies and songs without even thinking about others who read my blog. 

when i start to change my personality, wear handsock and socks, long shirt and proper hijab, being a murabbi and consistently go to usrah every week, to daurah, rehlah and any other programmme every month, stop watching movies, listening to my favourite song and what not. it was just a physical appearances that people can see. there are a lot of struggling that i had to face inside. it was inside and people only can see what i wear, what i watch and what i did without knowing what i had to face and struggle for not doing all those 'jahiliah' again.

only Allah knows what is inside my heart. i was very struggle to stop doing what i love to do before. to be honest, i love football so much and i can wake up early in the morning to watch it. i love watching movies and listening to new english song and i love hanging out. i took more than one year after join usrah, dakwah and tarbiyah. i know i have to change my lifestyle to be a better muslim, insyaAllah. people say sayonara jahiliyah, please make du'a for me to istiqamah and doing this only for Allah. 

i start to think what can i do to contribute to ummah, to change our community, my murabbi always say, find ur 'logam', every person have their own ability and the great person can use that advantage to contribute  their best to muslim community. people can make good movies that can inspire people to make change in their life, those who are a great debator can be a great muwajih and those who can write lovely poems can write blogs and touch the people's heart. indeed i really want to work for it although i don't really know what can i do. oh i just remember that i have a blog but what had i done? i wrote trash :(  i post gossips and thing that can make people forget Allah. astaghfirullah (may Allah forgive me),  then after that i dunno what to write and what had happen to me now?

there's a ayat that  Allah swt. says in surah as-saf: 2-3

O you who have believed, why do you say what you do not do?

Great is hatred in the sight of Allah that you say what you do not do.

i become afraid as if i did not do what i said. everytime i told my adik usrah a.k.a mutarabbi it was very tough for me. i'm very very afraid if i can't do it. i'm very afraid if Allah punish me for not doing what i told people to do. i told them to be kind to people, spread the good things, perform qiam and many more. 

however  most of people say u will never be perfect. i can feel it, seriously speaking. when i start to change my personality, slowly i start to change my lifestyle. i'm no more wasting my money to watch movies and karaoke like what i love to do before. alhamdulillah syukur ya Allah. He still loves me and give me all good sisters and now i'm living in a house with the sisters who always remind me to be good, perform solat jema'ah as soon as  we heard adzan, recite quran and al-mathurat and eat in dulang together. it feels so good , bi'ah solehah is a need for those who wanna make a change in their life, biizznillah~

i know if people does not watch us, Allah always does! we have to feel that Allah know  every single thing we do wherever we are and whatever we do...there is always invisible CCTV and two of our loyal companions who gonna write whatever we do even our daily habit like smile to people, help people to take their things or bad deeds such as throwing rubbish. everything is written and we will see it one by one, soon...

Allah (swt) says surah al Fajr v14

"Verily, your Rubb is Ever Watchful"

i once told  my friend that i dunno how to start writing again and she is very wise saying that i don't have to think about what people think about me after they read it. blog is one of the way that we can express our thought and share with people our experiences. i know there are many people out there who have the same feeling like me. what i write reflects who am i. insyaAllah will try my best to be a good muslimah. of couse all of us know our iman is always yazid wa yankuz (ups and downs) yet what we do do maintain our iman? this post might be one of my 'saksi' on the big day. all we need to have is belief in ourself or tsiqah binnafs.

may Allah guide me to write only the good things that can increase my and your iman ^^ 

semoga Allah redha.